his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Randomize
