idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
