1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
