forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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