Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
