this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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