And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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