When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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