Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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