dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
