Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
