you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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