She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
