i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
