I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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