matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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