I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
