She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
