literally had 100 drinks last night.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
