Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
