"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I need moral support for this bender
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
