That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize