he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
We are two peas in an std pod
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
