I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
