Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
