Im at strip club and am horny
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize