did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
