I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
