I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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