guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
