so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
