Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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