If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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