My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
