and you said cock pushups were impossible
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
