And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
