Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
