We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
