Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Randomize
