I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I made him laugh his dick is mine
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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