that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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