so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
