So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
