i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I can't put those talents on a resume
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
