I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
is it fun? or sober?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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