smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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