my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
