Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
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