y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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