God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Randomize