So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
