everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
