I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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