I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
