dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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