Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
