winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
