Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
