a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
