The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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