My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
