i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
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