i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
