He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
