You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
