Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
why does every cop we meet know your name?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
