moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize