Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
