watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
