I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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