Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize