What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
