Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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