I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
my poor anus
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Randomize
