There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
